Life and times . . .

So life is getting back to normal.  Lots of emotional crap to deal with.  Yet, I’m so amazed at how much my life has changed, how much my focus has changed, and how faithful God has been to help me grow.  So I really have no choice but to keep traveling down this road and allow the Lord to teach me some tough lessons.

I’m a little worried about how I’m gonna deal with the next 6 weeks or so.  I’ve decided to let go of a long-term crutch of mine: porn.  About a year and a half ago, some very intense stuff got brought up in my life, and I’ve used porn as a means of coping with that pain ever since.  There have been brief periods of abstinence now and then, but I suppose it’s time to deal with that stuff head on.  I must admit, however, that I have very little confidence in my ability to do so . . . because my support is not what it could be or should be.  I’m pretty much hoping I can white knuckle it.  But no expectations, please.  I really wouldn’t be surprised if it all seems like too much to bear and I’m back to old games once again.  We’ll see.  If it’s a success, it’s by Christ alone, I can say that much right now!

As far as what some of that emotional shit entails, you can check the protected below.  If you’ve been keeping up with the story, the latest news is spelled out pretty well.

So, I had a good talk with my boy Chris last night about some of my angst as far as church and stuff goes.  I’ve decided that I’m not gonna be leaving Trinity yet, unless I feel called to do so.  But, I will be keeping my eyes and ears open for new opportunities to minister and start creating Church the way church should be.  I’m gonna go ahead and go to Cedar Ridge (Brian McLaren’s church) on Sunday morning.  It should be pretty sweet,  just because he’s a seriously deep pastor.  At least I’ll get some spiritual meat to suck on for a bit, eh?   But I have no dreams of switching churches right now.  I’ve got too much on my plate to be worrying about that all over again.  And knowing that I’m not the only one who’s dissatisfied with status quo spirituality (thanks for the insight on that  Chanelle, Burke, et al), I feel alive and hopeful again!   I don’t know what God has in store, but I do know that it feels awesome to be getting my heart back,  to care for others again, to get my head out of my own issues long enough to serve those around me.  I’ve still got a lot more to focus on when it comes to my own healing, but I see God moving, and it’s awesome.

Peace and love, homies!

Oh wait . . . .here’s some cool stuff!

Oh the Wonderful Cross!

      

Ya know, it really doesn’t matter whether you’re in the light of day, or in the still of night, the cross is still such a beautiful, beautiful thing.  Because no matter who you are, we’re all the same under the cross.

Cool Catz

Worshipping a Beautiful Savior

We had such an awesome band . . .

Who’s up for a little pomo influence?  Yeah, gotta love the use of object lessons to drive home the point that we’re the light of the world, eh?

Crazy, Sexy, Cool . . .

Ever get bored in traffic?  Yeah, how about hold a banana out your window.  You’d be AMAZED by how many hot chicks you’ll get to to stop and talk to you!  Seriously . . .

. . . Yeah, like chicks THIS hot!

Ain’t love grand?

There’s really nothing more sexy than getting your ass kicked by a hot girl! I highly recommend every guy try this at least once in life

OK, fellaz.  Don’t mess with this one.  Though we’re not an item, she does happen to be my twin sister (that’s right, born on the exact same day and year as me . . . we just happen to have different mothers is all).  So, I’m very protective of this one.  Hands off!!

New Year, Reflections, and a Heart Reborn. . .

So I’m back from Texas.  I really should be sleeping now, but apparently, I don’t have to go into work tomorrow, so I can stand a bit of a late night.

My time away was nothing short of amazing.  It was a time to reflect on all that’s happened this last year.  I guess what I truly enjoyed the most was rediscovering my heart.  I feel like I’ve been restricted from growth these last few months.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know the Lord brought me to my current church, and I know He wanted me to learn something from it.  And I certainly did.  But I must admit that I’m beckoning the Lord to please allow me to move on. 

I’m not sure how much longer I can stand watered down sermons that don’t pique my interest in the slightest bit.  Nor can I stand one more social event that has us all so worried about the event, that we don’t learn a thing about the Christ in each other.  I can’t take the shallowness any longer.  What happened to community, and realness, and bearing one another’s burdens?

And after the week I’ve had, with worship that makes your soul shout and weep all at the same time, and teaching that makes you ponder, and challenges you, mixed in with a group of people who are absolutely desperate for God and passionate about seeking each other out . . . I come home and wonder what God has planned for me now.

I was talking to Chanelle tonight, and we were discussing the pitiful state of the Church.  But every year, twice a year, I get to experience church, the way it should be . . . but I come back home to something different.  Not something bad necessarily.  Just impotent.  Lack-luster.

My heart cries out for authenticity, and realness, and dialogue . . . and something deeper than the Sunday Bible school theology I grew up on, but has little relevance to living life.

I’m thinking of going to Brian McLaren’s church this Sunday . . . just to see it one more time.  There’s something very exciting about thinking about all the possibilities that exist with working in his ministry.  It’s what I’ve wanted for a long time.  But at the same time, I don’t feel a full go-ahead from God to move on just yet.  In short, I feel like I’m in limbo, not knowing whether I should move on to more passion and realness, or whether I should stay where I am and see if maybe God wants to transform me and those around me.  I guess we’ll see, eh?

I’m excited though.  I’m excited about what I’ve recaptured this weekend . . . and what I’ve discovered that’s totally new to me.  I wish I could go into it all, but it would take years to tell the stories in writing, so you’ll just have to ask.  

By the by . . . the pic is of a good mentor/brother/friend of mine who’s invested a great deal in my life, and who I richly cherish.  I love ya, Ricky!  More than you know!  And the backdrop is apparently our ministry’s new thing . . . and yeah, we ARE open all nite!   More pics will be posted in the days to come (which means some of you ppl need to hurry up and get your stuff into snapfish, damnit!)

Peace and love