What’s up, Doc?

So I’ve been gone a long time.  I don’t think I’ve gone this long
w/o posting since I joined xanga!  But I’m back . . . and I’m a
doctor now

In case you’re wondering, you may still refer to me as just Darren (or
Der for my very close friends), but if you so feel the need to stroke
my ego . . . Dr. D.J. will suffice

Today was graduation.  Four years gone.  I remember when I
first entered pharm school – just after graduating from college – and
thinking how HORRIFIC it was staring down the barrel of another four
years!  But here I am.  I survived it.  Formal education
is finally behind me (hopefully).  And you know what?  I did
it pretty damn well!  Graduated cum laude with a number of
accolades and awards to enhance the celebration (even though,
techinically, I think it’s sort of a demotion for me, considering I
graduated from college w/ the highest GPA in the Chem/Biochem Dept.,
and magna cum laude from the College of Life Sciences . . . but
whatever )

I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished.  I think I was most honored
by one of my best friends in the world (Paul) when he said “Darren, I’m
so proud of you.  Not only did you make it through the most
difficult years of your education, but you did it during the most
difficult couple of years of your life.” 

I was quite close to tears when he said that, becuase that reality
finally hit me.  I’m actually amazed that I was able to do so well
despite the fact that I’ve spent the last couple of years battling all
kinds of depression, emotional lability, and fierce temptations all
around!  It’s just a testament of God’s goodness and mercy.

But you know what? I’d trade all the accomplishments for a little bit
of love and fulfillment.  Because quite frankly, the fact that I’m
now a doc means shit to me.  And the fact that I earned that
degree with blood and sweat, and was one of the best at it . . . 
means jack.  What does it profit to gain the whole world, if in
the process you lose your soul?

After it was all said and done, I woke up this evening from my nap and
felt such an intense emptiness inside.  A feeling I haven’t felt
in quite some time.  I’m sure a lot of it has to do with how sleep
deprived I am.  I’m sure some of it has to do with the fact that
I’ve been so amped up the past few weeks, that now that I have no
immediate goals ahead of me, it’s set me up for depression.  I’m
sure some if it has to do with the fact that I’ve been disconnected
from friends and loved ones for the past few weeks all for the sake of
studying and passing those damn boards.  And I’m sure some of it
has to do with the fact that I’ve been putting my heart and it’s
yearnings on the back-burner for the past few weeks b/c I had to get
crap done, and now that it’s all done, my heart is screaming.

But right now, I don’t really care about the cause, I only care about the pain.  It’s there and in full force.

But tomorrow is another day.  And Christ’s mercy is new every
morning.  And in the morning, I head to San Diego for a week w/
some cool friends from church (Chris and Audrey) and some old college
friends (Nel and A).  I’m looking forward to the chill time. 
And while there, I’m hoping to see Star Wars III, because I’ve been
waiting forever for it to come out!  And somehow I feel a resolve
to involve God in my life more, and allow my loved ones to see my hurt
and shame . . . it’s time to start opening up.  Not that I keep my
friends out . . . I give them details,
but rarely do allow myself to connect with what I’m sharing.  It’s
time for that to change.  God give me courage. 

So anywho . . . I guess I’m outtie.  Oh, and in case you were
wondering, I took the first half of my boards on Thursday.  I
think I did horribly!  So I’m expecting to fail   But
then again, I’m told that all of my classmates who took it before me
felt the same way, and they all passed . . . so just maybe I passed
  Once I get back from California, I’m gonna be starting my
new job, moving into my new apartment, and studying for the law portion
of  the licensing exam.  Hopefully by this time next month,
I’ll be licensed Dr. D.J.

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9 thoughts on “

  1. Oh Blondie, dont be so down. This is a time of celebration not of sadness. You’ve been blessed cuz we all know everyone needs divine intervention to survive this freakin school. Besides, love is overrated, trust me… cuz when its good its good but when its bad its ugly, unecessary drama I say… to see you and D leave sad i am. but your mother earth killing habits miss I wont. star wars movie watch you will. So SMILE!

  2. Can I call you Dr. Cuba? 😉 hehehe… *evil laugh*I’m so proud of you too. You made it. Interesting revelation though, eh? At the end of it all – you realise that the most important thing isn’t the number of letters behind your name but relationships and your self identity in Christ. The good thing is that it isn’t a brand new revelation to you. I think you know that already. And you can rest easy – well, at least I think you should- that you do have meaningful relationships w/ people, and you do have a relationship w/ God. Anyway, I’d drink a toast to you if it wasn’t 10am in the morning. Have a blast in San Diego.

  3. Congratulations Doc!!  Sorry you guys had to celebrate on such a rainy day.  But I’m happy that you made it through the fire and have come out the other side.  Love ya bro!

  4. Yay Darren!  It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, but I’m sure I’ll never forget your calling me Smiley:)  This professional school thing is sooooooooo hard on the heart and soul, but I’m glad that you’ve made it, and now you can start building things back up again.  Take care and maybe we’ll see you soon!

  5. didn’t have time to read your post, but I just wanted to let you know that my youth pastor and I will be venturing up to McLaren’s church on the fifth…not sure if you said you were going there now or not, but if you are LOOK FOR ME and I’ll be watching out for you too!
    seejay

  6. okay had time to read it!  Congrats bro…that’s freakin awesome!  Now I’m even more excited to look for you!  Have fun in SD dude, just maybe not too much fun.

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