Howdy ho . . .

So I had a great day yesterday.  John says that I don’t say such things enough, so I thought I’d start off with a bit of positivity on this one

I’ve been speaking to a couple of folks here and there about pomo stuff, so I had a couple of people interested in going to Cedar Ridge with me.  In fact, one girl just emailed me out of the blue last week, expressing some of the same concerns about Trinity that I’ve had.  It’s actually quite uncanny how much her experience mirrors my own!

So 3 of us met up at Cedar Ridge, and the message was awesome!  Brian’s words hit straight to my heart. The more I attend, the more the place feels right.

Afterwards, we had lunch, and then I was gonna head down to D.C. for the Worship in the Spirit of Justice campaign.  It just so happened that they were meeting in Freedom Plaza, which was gonna be just a few blocks away from Audricus and her family.  Unfortunately, by the time I got to D.C., the program was over, so I walked over to the Air and Space museum, and met the Schmidts. 

I had sooo much FUN hangin’ out with them!  I think I rather sucked as a tour guide, considering it’s been years since I’ve worked downtown, and don’t remember where ANYTHING is anymore!  But we had some really awesome adventures to long lost lands, and saw a lot of stuff I haven’t seen since I was a kid.  Not to mention that her family is friggin groovy!  Her parents reminded me so much of my own parents.  I totally felt at home w/ them.

Tonight will be my first official night in the new apartment.  I still have a ton of stuff to move, and I have ZERO energy for it!  But it’ll get done.  By GOD, it’ll get done!

The job training is going really well.  It’s actually very weird now, because I’m pretty autonomous at this point, and it’s kinda strange having all that “power”.  It’s also slightly daunting to realize that a careless stroke from my pen, or a mistyped sig could spell the end of some poor person’s life.  It was one thing being a student – b/c the responsibility ultimately lied with the pharmacist supervising me – but now it’s all on me.  Cool, but very very scary!

Anywho . . . if you want the spicier details on the stuff above, and even more shtuff . . . CTP!!



Quick Update . . .

Haven’t had the energy to post much – especially since xanga’s been
acting retarded w/ this losing of comments thing.  But I must say
that I do appreciate the xanga gods and all the hard work they do to
keep this place up and running.  Don’t know what I’d do w/o my
venting spot

Things have been .  .  . meh.  I had a really good day
last Friday.  Probably the first good day I’ve had in 4
years.  No worries, no cares, no burdens.  Just completely
free, content within myself, happy in who I am.  Of course such
respite from life can never last long

I’m not in the worst pain in the world, but the pain is there. 
It’s like a nagging cut that won’t heal – after awhile, it just drains
all your energy.  Not to mention that I just feel spiritually
oppressed.  There’s a constrictive band around my heart that won’t
allow me to live

On the other side of the bend, the job training is going fairly
well.  I’m off today – well, at least most of the day.  I
have to go in for about an hour and approve one patient’s therapy . . .
. but other than that, I’m gonna be tying up other loose ends around

Last night was my second to last night w/ my old small group.  In
2 weeks, I’ll be moving onto what Chris calls “bigger and bettter
things” . . . though i’m not sure that’s exactly the label I’d slap on
it. LOL. 

OK, I’m outtie.  Hope you all are doing well.  Pray for me.  I’ll pray for you.

D.J. Free!

Thinking and praying . . .

So it’s been a pretty cool couple of days.  I’m still overloaded by the job
(I’ll be replacing Dr. Waite).  My mind simply cant wrap itself
around the exorbitant amount of responsibilities I’ll have.  And
this is only HALF of my job!  I haven’t even started training for
the position at Carter Center yet!

Thanks, Nellie, for pointing me to this awesome article
about the U.S. senate ACTUALLY getting something right!  It’s
about friggin’ time!  Though, one has to wonder where “moralists”
like Trent Lott were at the time.  Makes you proud to be a
republican, don’t it?   Eh, not
gonna blame the whole party for the silence of one.  I just hope
he had a good excuse.  But Mr. Lott has been hard pressed to come
up with those in his career.

In related African-American news, I emailed my dawg Brian McLaren a few
weeks ago about the presence of Blacks (or the lack thereof) in the
emergent movement.  I didn’t expect him to actually answer me,
considering the number of emails he gets on his site every day, but he
totally did!  Check it out!

As you may recall from a previous post of mine, I actually talked to
Brian about some of this at a previous visit (when he and Tony Campolo
were presenting together), and he told me that he suspected that there
would soon be an emergent cohort for Blacks, as a result of some
“dialogue” he’d had.  But what he nor I knew at the time, was that
he was expecting ME to be the one to start the cohort! 

Hmmm . . . I dunno.  I think I’m gonna really have to pray about
this one.  Because yesterday (before I discovered that my query
had been addressed on his site), it hit me that I’ve been a bystander
in this pomo “conversation” for far too long.  And I was ready to step INTO the conversation and
become a “friend of emergent” (www.,
but then I stopped and thought “hmm, don’t you think you should pray
about this first?”  So I did.  I spent a good deal of time
thinking about it – how much I enjoy this group, and the dialogue I’ve
had with it’s leaders and members thus far.  I remember the last
time I was afraid to jump into such a community of love and
exploration, and it turned out to be the best experience of my
life!  Is that what God is calling me to now?

Hard to say.  But I’m really praying about it right now, and we’ll
see where that leads.  I’m leaning heavily on becoming a “friend
of emergent”, and I’ve already addressed the proper folks to find out
about creating a cohort for minorities.

There are some other things I’m committing to right now as well. 
The meeting with Josh went very well.  But I fear this group is
going to be a bit on the legalistic side for my taste . . . but we’ll
see.  It seemed like the Lord was leading me to Regen moreso than
the groups I tried out last Friday (see some of my previous “CTPs”
about that).  I’m gonna go and get a feel for this group perhaps
next Tuesday, but that would necessitate me leaving my small
group.  I’m worried about how that’s gonna look seeing as how the
last time I was there, one of the leaders and I had an exchange (both
during and after the Bible study), and it wasn’t pretty!  But I
don’t want Eden or her hubby thinking that this is the reason why I’m
leaving (well, not the ONLY reason, anyway).

I can’t lie.  I’m growing increasingly more agitated by people at
Trinity.  Or perhaps “isolated” would be a better
descriptor.  I ran into a friend today who goes to my church. Her
small group is going through “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” by Philip
Yancey.  Now, the book is EXCELLENT!  He’s got some seriously
profound thoughts in there.  And when I asked her about it, she
said she didn’t like the book.  I asked her to expound, and found
out that the reason was because of how Yancey treated Mel White in his
homosexuality (i.e., he refused to shun his friend, but has been
supporting and loving, though not agreeing with the lifestyle). 
And it’s shit like that that seriously bothers me.  An entire
book, replete with wisdom and fresh insights, and she dislikes it b/c
of ONE CHAPTER and his take on how to treat homosexuals with love and grace?
  Why do I even bother with these people?? With this
church??  To be sure, this friend is a wonderful person, and I
love her to death.  But my views are clearly different than hers –
and most others I’ve communicated with at Trinity.

My leanings are just way too contrary to the status quo.  The easy
thing would be to just run, but that would be too much like being
beaten.  I’m not ashamed of the way I view Christ, love, mercy,
grace, and sin.  But I can’t help but think that I cannot grow in
this community where there are no like-minded believers.  Dang, I
miss Ahmun.  I hope that brotha comes back soon!

Anywho, I’m gonna be outtie now.  Another lonely night draws to a close

Heavy heart . . .

I suppose it’s time for a public update.  I found out today that I
passed law, and am an officially licensed pharmacist in the state of
Maryland as of last Friday

I gotta email Dr. Love now, so we can move on to the next step of making this job full-time.

Again, I should be elated.  And I’m happy about it all, ya know?
It’s great.  It’s an awesome accomplishment.  I had dinner w/
some (ex) classmates last night.  One final hoorah before we all
go our seperate paths.  And it’s amazing how much the world looks
different now that we’re all finally done with school. 

But there’s still that emptiness in my soul.  A thirst that won’t
be quenched – no matter how much I press into God, or other
things.  Speaking of which, I have a meeting with Josh from Regen
tomorrow @ 11am . . . so be praying about that.

But yeah, there’s just a void.  I had dinner tonight with one of
Derrick’s good friends (Tom), and it was pretty damn sweet.  I’ve
been pretty darn lonely, so it was nice having an actual connection
with another human being who knows how to listen.  That’s been
severely lacking in my life lately

But then I come home to find out that a good friend of mine – someone
extremely near to my heart – has not been doing very well, and tried to
commit suicide yesterday   Argggghh!  Does this shit
ever END??  My eyes are used to tears . . . I’m gonna let ’em
flow.  For me, for my friends, for life and love . . .

Lord, have mercy on our souls . . .

I’m in way too much agony to bother with prefacing my heart’s current condition with a public update . . . so just CTP.

Worship in the Spirit of Justice . . .

How many of you folks out there have heard of the problems in Darfur,
Sudan?  Up until a few weeks ago, I was clueless.  I
don’t like to watch the news (I find it rather depressing in a
pointless sorta way), but it’s not like it would matter – because the
genocide of Darfur hasn’t even garnered much media attention. 

That’s sad, considering that an estimated 200,000-300,000 Sudanese have been brutally murdered

I thank Cedar Ridge Community Church for opening my eyes to this
situation, and for actually DOING something about it!  And I plan
to help out.

Basically, for the next 6 weeks or so, the church is going to be going
to D.C. after church to have a public worship service at various sites
to bring attention to this problem. 

Check out: CRCC’s Darfur site for more
info.  If you’re interested in going one Sunday, please let me

And I know some of you may be wondering why we should care.  As a
matter of fact, one Oregonian sent a letter asking the same
question.  I found Nicholas Kristof’s response to be rather
In other news . . . I’ve got a lot flowing through the brain these
days.  Have you ever spent a lot of energy doing something? 
I mean, for like years?  Every ounce of your being invested in
measuring up to some standard, and trying to be what everyone wants you
to be? 

It gets tiring.  Far too tiring for me.  I’ve given up on
it.  I’m at this place where it’s gotta be Jesus, and no one
else.  No one’s “answers” seem to get me anywhere – not even my
own.  As a matter of fact, I don’t really trust anyone right
now.  Which I’m sure is gonna make it kinda hard to hear from the
Lord about my future . . . yet, I need to hear from Him.  And His
voice is the only one I’ll trust.  So I sure hope He’s into
speaking directly to me, b/c that whole “speaking through other people”
thing isn’t gonna cut it this time.

I was actually able to talk to Brian McLaren for a few seconds today
about it.  (My buddy CJ was going to Cedar Ridge today b/c some
folks from his church wanted to, so I met him there.)  It was
pretty sweet.  But even my hero doesn’t have a strong enough voice
for me
to trust.  Christ alone.

I hate to put restrictions on God – Him being sovereign and
all.  And I realize He may not comply with my terms.  But I
truly hope He does.  Y’all be praying about that, ok?  Thanx.

Expect a “CTP” message to come soon.