It’s very strange to see myself becoming a “thankful” person. It’s really not in my nature to be so, so I imagine this is some sort of “fruit” (if you will) of me engaging the Way of this Jesus fellow I speak so much about.
This weekend started out rather rocky for me. Not really sure why. I was fine Friday night. Really fine. But woke up Saturday feeling just a bit . . . “off”. And it seemed to get worse as the day progressed. I went to the gym and found myself staring at all the guys – not something that’s usually a problem for me. It hit me like a rather large ton of bricks that I was feeling quite insecure about myself. Again . . . no idea why.
Needless to day, I was really not looking forward to going out later that night for the 2 parties I had to go to. But I’ve learned to just suck it up, and do the stuff I need to do.
First stop was a nice, community dinner w/ the CR young adults at Matthew’s house. And I had a really amazing time! I fall more and more in love w/ my church at each visit w/ that community. I’m really starting to reconsider this whole moving thing . . . I mean, how could I leave such a great group of people – the only people who seem to keep me sane?
I got to pal around a bit w/ Matthew’s boys (George and Ollie) . . . gosh, they’re such great kids! Love ’em to death! And who knew that little white kids told “yo momma” jokes? It’s news to me! (By the way, if you haven’t heard yo momma jones w/ a British accent before, you are SERIOUSLY missing out on some good stuff! LOL.)
Then I headed to Kelly’s place for a Halloween party. By the time I arrived, everyone was rather toasty, and it was really too late for me to try and catch up, so I only had one glass of “punch”, but there must have been some really strong shit in there, b/c I was buzzed off of that single cup!!
Anywho, got up today for church, where Brian McLaren continued our “God in the movies” series w/ March of the Penguins, and seriously – I just couldn’t get through the service w/o crying. Not because of an amazing message or anything – but simply b/c I’m overwhelmed to have found such an amazing, accepting, inclusive, loving community of people. And it has made all the difference in my life.
Afterwards, Jane and I had the wondrous opportunity to have a private lunch w/ Brian. As you can imagine, any time spent with him is a time of great englightenment! We talked about a slew of questions that have been burning on my heart lately . . . like sexuality, love, universalism, hell, eschatology, etc. Wow. That’s really all I can say. He’s like the only guy I know that can drop 2 minutes of monologue on you, that leaves you mulling and wrestling for 2 years! Good times
Anyway, all that to say that life is plodding along as it usually does. And there’s some cool stuff shaping up, and there are a lot of scary uknowns lying just around the bend . . . but I’m really starting to vigorously believe that Jesus wasn’t talking out of his ass when he was speaking about all this “abundant life” business . . . that I’m really OK, and I’m being molded into something more and more OK with each passing day. Sometimes, it’s the really small blessings in life that unmask the really profound truths.