I’ve come to a conclusion (I have yet to determine how startling it is, nor how much or how little i’m distressed by it) that I have lost all sense of discipline. Well, most sense, anyway. Every year, I do a 21-day fast that I picked up from the church I grew up in. Essentially, you slowly take off food groups, until you eat nothing for 3 days, and then you slowly build back up again. And last year, this was a breeze for me! This year? Not so much. I’ve found myself cheating nearly every day of this fast.
And that’s not the only area where I feel I have little self-control. Even my sexual expression has had few limits to it as of late (I’ll minimize details here so as not to traumatize certain individuals )
I’m not sure how concerned I should be here. On the one hand, I realize that a lot of what I used to call “discipline”, was really just legalism. I know how to modify my behavior so as to give an appearance of “holiness” . . . but it honestly makes me miserable as a person. All that repression just ain’t healthy! But at the same time, I think there’s something to be said for depriving yourself of certain “pleasures” as a regular practice so these things don’t have power over you (hmm . . . am I becoming a Bhuddist?)
So that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately . . .
In slightly related news, I managed to have an extravagant weekend, despite myself. I didn’t get an ounce of work done, and blew about $600 at various stores. The biggest chunk of that was spent buying my new baby: a Canon PowerShot SD600 digital camera
Hey, I’m going to France, for God’s sake! I gotta record memories for posterity’s sake! The rest of it was spent on clothes and such. I honestly just can’t manage to remain in any clothes that I buy. The bad thing about changing your lifestyle habits, is that you lose the weight very slowly. So now that I’m training for a 10K, and have been running a bit more, I’ve lost a couple more pounds, and this requires a new wardrobe, as nothing quite fits right anymore! Not to mention that it seems as though Jonathan and I will be traveling through the Alps a bit when I head to France, so I need to think in layers – which also requires some new pieces to the wardrobe.
By the by, if you ever want something cool from Circuit City, you should totally look for it ONLINE first! The camera I bought was cheaper online than in-store, and then I chose the option to pick it up in the store instead of having it shipped. AND, if they don’t have your order for you ready at the store within 24 minutes of you purchasing it online, then they’ll give you a $24 gift card. Guess who’s camera bag wasn’t prepared as ordered? So guess who got the camera cheaper by ordering it online, and THEN got an extra $24 gift card to boot? NICE!!! Expect some pics soon!
Finally, the last bit o’ change was spent on getting the other (right) ear pierced. I originally just did the left ear (last year), thinking the parental units would FLIP. I wanted to soften the blow just a bit by only getting half of my body mutilated. Since they’re the ones that bought me diamond stud earrings for Christmas, however, I thought it would be a waste not to bling bling in full glory (i.e., symmetrically). How pathetic that I’m a grown-ass, 27 year old MAN who still worries that much about what his parent’s think Oh well. At least I’m finally learning to not let that stuff bother me anymore. I’m just me . . .