Have you ever felt “called’ to something? Perhaps “drawn” is a better word.
I’m just thinking about these distinct moments in my life where my future plans become definitive. It’s as if my perspective is broadened in this singular moment in time, and disparate pieces of the puzzle are seemingly joined together.
It happened when I decided to pursue a career in pharmacy. Few people realize how miraculous this decision was, because few knew that I worked as a pharmacy clerk at Giant Pharmacy in Fort Washington, MD as a senior in high school. And fewer still know how much I absolutely loathed that job. After quitting, I vowed to never step foot in a pharmacy again. It was months before I was even able to go into one of those large chain grocery stores, and not wretch at the very sight of the pharmacy!
Yet, in my junior year of college, I found myself soul-searching to discover what career this biochem major should pursue considering I was disenchanted with research, and incapable of med school (I’m revolted by cadavers, and bodily fluids, and the like). One fateful evening, after the assistant dean of my current school gave a talk about pharmacy careers at an allied health career fair, It just clicked: I should pursue pharmacy.
And here I am. Similar moments of clarity have occurred as well, like when deciding which school to attend, which type of pharmacy practice to pursue, etc.
And I may have had another defining point earlier this week at the CPNP Conference. I fear to even announce it publically, as this career plan is merely in its nascent stages of development. But it struck me as I was surrounded by so many academicians who had strong clinical practices – that these are the people I’ve always been drawn to the most in my exposure to pharmacy. Perhaps there’s a reason for that? Perhaps I seem to come alive when I’m teaching because I might very well be meant to be a . . . *gasp!* teacher?
I’ve always run far, FAR away from academic pursuits! One of my mentors here for years has been egging me on to be a teacher, but I’ve always been dismissive of his suggestions.
Even during this residency, I’ve had SO many opportunities to teach, and I have begrudgingly taken to those tasks. I think I’ve discussed with several of you how much I hate the feeling of being judged by students. Every time I open my mouth, it’s as if I can see the gerbil wheel churning inside students’ heads as they think “wow, he’s such an idiot”, “goodness, he hasn’t a clue what he’s talking about!”, and other such diatribes.
Not to mention all the preparation! Good LORD! Do you know how long it takes to prepare a Power Point presentation for a simple, one-hour lecture?
Yet, at the same time, I admit that there’s this electric feeling in the air when I’m interacting with students. And somehow, I just feel drawn to this. I don’t know why it’s clicking now. I don’t know where it’s coming from. But I do know that the more I think aboout sticking around here at the school of pharmacy – the more I like the idea of seeking an associate faculty position (which would allow me significant time as a clinician, with about 20-30% of my time devoted to teaching and precepting).
Hmmm . . . I’m gonna continue to pray about this. It would be a significant shift in my career goals, and could very well eventually lead me to doing much more teaching than what I envision right now.
Anyway, I gotta go. Gonna head down to the Harbor and meet Christy and Jamie for dinner!
One love, baby!