New Year, Reflections, and a Heart Reborn. . .

So I’m back from Texas.  I really should be sleeping now, but apparently, I don’t have to go into work tomorrow, so I can stand a bit of a late night.

My time away was nothing short of amazing.  It was a time to reflect on all that’s happened this last year.  I guess what I truly enjoyed the most was rediscovering my heart.  I feel like I’ve been restricted from growth these last few months.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know the Lord brought me to my current church, and I know He wanted me to learn something from it.  And I certainly did.  But I must admit that I’m beckoning the Lord to please allow me to move on. 

I’m not sure how much longer I can stand watered down sermons that don’t pique my interest in the slightest bit.  Nor can I stand one more social event that has us all so worried about the event, that we don’t learn a thing about the Christ in each other.  I can’t take the shallowness any longer.  What happened to community, and realness, and bearing one another’s burdens?

And after the week I’ve had, with worship that makes your soul shout and weep all at the same time, and teaching that makes you ponder, and challenges you, mixed in with a group of people who are absolutely desperate for God and passionate about seeking each other out . . . I come home and wonder what God has planned for me now.

I was talking to Chanelle tonight, and we were discussing the pitiful state of the Church.  But every year, twice a year, I get to experience church, the way it should be . . . but I come back home to something different.  Not something bad necessarily.  Just impotent.  Lack-luster.

My heart cries out for authenticity, and realness, and dialogue . . . and something deeper than the Sunday Bible school theology I grew up on, but has little relevance to living life.

I’m thinking of going to Brian McLaren’s church this Sunday . . . just to see it one more time.  There’s something very exciting about thinking about all the possibilities that exist with working in his ministry.  It’s what I’ve wanted for a long time.  But at the same time, I don’t feel a full go-ahead from God to move on just yet.  In short, I feel like I’m in limbo, not knowing whether I should move on to more passion and realness, or whether I should stay where I am and see if maybe God wants to transform me and those around me.  I guess we’ll see, eh?

I’m excited though.  I’m excited about what I’ve recaptured this weekend . . . and what I’ve discovered that’s totally new to me.  I wish I could go into it all, but it would take years to tell the stories in writing, so you’ll just have to ask.  

By the by . . . the pic is of a good mentor/brother/friend of mine who’s invested a great deal in my life, and who I richly cherish.  I love ya, Ricky!  More than you know!  And the backdrop is apparently our ministry’s new thing . . . and yeah, we ARE open all nite!   More pics will be posted in the days to come (which means some of you ppl need to hurry up and get your stuff into snapfish, damnit!)

Peace and love